And recently it has gotten worse. Once I came back from Bulgaria and the last little morsels of our paperwork were done and in, we were left with nothing to do to distract us while we wait. No paperwork to do or fingerprints to take and send in and then retake and resend. No oddly numbered government documents to fill out paperwork for, or strange notifications that are oddly numbered from the government to look forward to. Sure, there were the holidays, but they have left us, and I can still recall the feeling on January 2nd as I drove in the car and it suddenly dawned on me that the holidays were over, and I knew I had nothing to distract me from the waiting.
Odysseus, as you may have heard, took a long time getting home from the Trojan War. But he kept busy on this long (not going to write odyssey...not going to write odyssey....) voyage by poking out a cyclops' eye here, having his friends turned into pigs there, dodging whirlpools and smashing rocks here and there.....you get the picture.
|Tying yourself to the underside of a sheep to keep from getting eaten alive will take your |
mind off of other things. Photo © Badisches Landesmuseum Karlsruhe
Even Sisyphus got to watch the rock roll back down the hill and then push it back up again - at least he could keep busy. For us it's, "Yeah, just stand there, over by that big rock. No, no need to push it up the hill.....we'll be in touch in a couple months......oh, and.......don't call us, we'll call you....".
|Marin took this picture of me without my mask on. |
Yes, my head actually is a basketball.
I do think of Marin and Nellie over in Bulgaria waiting and I think that it must be even harder for them; they have even less of an idea what is going on, just that sometime in the near future their lives will change radically. But this doesn't make me feel any better or help me to count my blessings; it just makes me anxious because I can't comfort or help them right now - that's not really what I was aiming for.
So I try to keep busy and focus my mind on other things - those related to the upcoming trip and bringing the children home and things that I won't have time to do when they get here.
But most of all, I spend my time thinking of our newest children and the time I spent with them and what I want to do with them when they get here. I think of them and dream that they are here and that this period of time has ended.
I wish I could share some words of wisdom about this, or break out with some revelation I had because of it, but that would be insincere.
Because it isn't deep or chock full of meaning - it's just bad. REAL BAD.