Monday, April 22, 2013

Family

Last week had me all out of sorts.   Boston was on lock down Friday - the day my boys were scheduled to attend a Red Sox night game.  Oh well, we've had that set back before and never for this important a reason.  And then all over the news the pictures of these two young men. The men who bombed my city's marathon.  I can't help think we are seeing more and more pictures of alienated young men rise up on the front page again and again.

Seeing these two young men made me think of our Marin.  We know he has been up for adoption since at least July of last year.  Maybe longer?  Just by chance we never found out he was 3 hours away from Nellie (which results in a longer trip) until recently.  Would we have adopted him if we had known?  It's more time off Nate doesn't have.  He could have waited forever for his family and never found them.  Nate isn't happy he has to take more time off but is very happy that he didn't know until now because now we are in love.
Jericho's self portrait.
Very unflattering picture of me by Jericho.  This must be how I look to him.
Then I ran into a man at the park I know from church and he told me his story of being an adoptee.  His experience wasn't great.  He was adopted and then his parents (as he described it) "just didn't want to parent anymore" and sent him away to school.  This crushed him, he said it was like being abandoned twice.  This and the fact that finding his birth mother resulted in no answered questions.  This man is a loving grandfather with a haunting pain.

Adoption isn't all roses.  Children come out alienated and angry and crushed.  Biological children come out of families the same way.  There are no guarantees.  When I worked as a family therapist I was convinced time and time again that family is the number one important soul enhancing life shaping experience we can have.  It creates who you are.
Photo by Jericho.
Will Marin fare well after 9 years without a family?  Will he ever be able to imbue the words mother and father with texture and depth?  Will he be able to leave behind years of institutional life for a life with siblings, dogs, and parents who want reciprocal affection from him? I just don't know.

So I turn again to God and ask "please?".  Please God heal his heart.  Please God heal all their hearts.
Heal those who have been hurt in family and those who have found their happiness in family.  And I have to ask Him.  Since relying on myself only leads to pain and fear.  I've done that enough already in this life and I don't want to do it anymore.

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