Tuesday, February 5, 2013

The Tortoise Beat the Hare by Fixing the Race

I watched a short film recently about an uber-adoptive family and in it the dad describes himself as "the brakes" and his wife as "the gas" in the adoption process.  Not that he isn't on board, it's just that he's more cautious.

I would say the same thing about Kim and me.  I was the one who had to be brought on board with this process. Kim was already working on it in the parallel universe where her other self does some of the work that her self in this universe needs to get done (which is why she gets so much done - a great trick but not really fair to the rest of us).

Jericho with Toad
So while Kim uses both of her selves to study braille, write blog posts, study our adoption home study materials, and get tons of donations for our upcoming Silent Auction Extravaganza (March 16th, 1-3, more details to follow), I am still contemplating the best way to fix the baby gate that we got for free at the Leverett Transfer Station this past weekend (of course after buying one, which I am still working on returning - oh no wait, that's the other gate we bought that arrived that I've left in the mudroom for days assuming it was the one we no longer wanted - I'm gonna get right on that).

The Groke by Tove Jansson
In all seriousness, I am involved in begging for donations and reading up on braille and writing this my second blog post and working on the home study materials (and passport and finger prints.....).  But there is what I like to think of as a certain Grokeness to my personality that puts the proverbial brakes on our otherwise forward progress.  Besides the reference in the aforementioned short film, I have read about the same phenomenon with other men who are adopting. I don't know if this is because men are more invested in the status quo, in which they hold a favorable position, or what, but from many women we received enthusiastic support and encouragement, and from men I most often got, "Well I don't know" or at best, "That's great, but your nuts."

But I suppose that is why there are two of us. At the same time I can be obstructionist and controlling rumanative about this process, I can also step back when, for example, Kim got discouraged with her begging when she perceived she was being too pushy with it, and give her the reality check that she's just enthusiastic and doing what she should do for the Nellster (which was confirmed by several people whom she were the target of her begging).  And then she could go back to bugging me.

So the message for her is truly that well-behave women seldom make  history (or adopt internationally), and for me the message is to loosen up.  Although in truth, it wasn't the hare who won that race, regardless of how loose or proactive he might have been.


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