But not this one.
This one will be coming home to a family and a community that already loves her.
I'm a bit angry with myself, for sitting on this idea of adoption for so long. Nate and I have been talking about adopting a child since we began our married life. But the money never came in one big chunk and so we put off the dream until another day.
And then God started shaking things up (as he has a tendency to do). He started sending blogs and their lovely authors into my life. He worked his wonders by leading me to this BBC documentary. He showed me the incredible generosity of our church family in the form of our giving tree.
And all of these things swirled around in my head like a giant soup. All these lives I saw frittering away because each one of us continued to be complacent And on the other hand, all those lives healed and made whole in the warmth of a family. Love really does conquer all.
And then to up the ante, (again, God is good at these things) he presented us with N. Who knows why her picture spoke to our hearts? Who knows why all the other pictures I emailed to Nate were received with lukewarm interest by both of us. Well, we do know Who knows, and he fashioned it perfectly.
We feel head over heals in love. We read her fact sheet like it was a love note, written just for us. Her challenges? Pshaw....no problem! Her blindness? Great! We'll learn braille and stay one step ahead of her.
Some would see this as ludicrous. They'll say, "but you have such a perfect family!"
Yes, our family is "perfect". We have healthy kids, love, a house for all our needs, we have enough possessions to keep us entertained, and a community to participate in. But we see perfection as an illusion. You can't control what happens in this life. You can't control your birth, your children's challenges, even your own mortality. It's all up for grabs. But love, love you can move toward and embrace. And I'm a love seeker. I seek it, grab it, and pursue it every chance I get.
And N? She was all love. I saw kisses on her cheeks, and days in the backyard. I saw celebrations when milestones are reached. I saw six candles on her birthday cake. I saw her swinging and singing and getting merry like all my other kids. I saw a sibling for my kids, now, and after Nate and I leave this earth. I saw days and days of happiness.
So don't tell me I'm a saint. I'm definitely a sinner. But I am a love-seeker. And by joining us along this journey I get the feeling you might just be a love-seeker too.